Yes, please boycott Oreo for their support of Gay Rights. We’ll all appreciate you going on a diet. While you’re at it, please also throw away your iPod, iPhone, and iPad since Apple supports as well. Hopefully you have lots of clothes, because you’ll need to ditch your Levi’s and Nike’s too. Perhaps you bought them at ... JC Penney’s or Sears? Sucks you’ll have to take them back … or actually, anything you wear from anywhere probably had a gay involved. Flying somewhere soon? Better not be on American, Delta, Southwest, or United…you’ll need a new ticket. Airline wasn’t mentioned? Just be sure your jet isn’t Boeing made. Don’t sleep at Marriott or Hilton (or any of their family brands) because you might catch the gay they support. That morning coffee from Starbucks will have to go as well, go ahead it replace it with a McCafe…oh wait, McDonald’s supports gay rights too. Hmm, do you clean with Tide, Gain, or Bounty? Use Duracell batteries, shave with Gillette, or use Fixodent? Brush with Crest, use Pantene, Scope, Tampax, Venus, or Old Spice products? Those are all gone too, stupid Proctor & Gamble supporting the gays. Damn, you’re using Internet Explorer or Crome to see Facebook and read this status? Download something else, Microsoft and Google show their Pride as well. Ah, but your drinks are safe. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Budweiser are on your side … if your side is on the right side of history since all three also support Gay Rights. Hopefully, you or your lawyer will never need in-depth research. Both LexisNexis and Westlaw, who together control the market, support Gay Rights. Drive that big, manly, Ford F350? It’s a "Friend of Dorothy" too, as it’s company Ford and General Motors also support the rights of all. So, do us all a favor, don’t take it all out on a festive cookie … just stay home and boycott everything.
“Here’s to the kids. the kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke and Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. here’s to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. here’s to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. here’s to the kids who were never too good at life, but still were wicked cool. here’s to the kids who listened to Fall Out Boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV and blame MTV for ruining their life. here’s to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts. here’s to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush. here’s to the kids who hum “a little less 16 candles, a little more touch me” when they’re stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night. here’s to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn’t even know they existed. here’s to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and didn’t feel so alone after doing so. here’s to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friends. here’s to the kids who are straight up smartasses and just don’t care. here’s to the kids who speak their mind. here’s to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. here’s to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do. here’s to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids that are okay with that. here’s to the kids. this one’s not for the kids who always get what they want, but for the ones who never had it at all. it’s not for the ones who never get caught, but for the ones who always try and fail. this one’s for the kids who didn’t make it, we were the kids who never made it. the overcast girls and the underdog boys. not for the kids who had all their joys. this one’s for the kids who never faked it. we’re the kids who didn’t make it. they say “breaking hearts is what we do best,” and “we’ll make your heart be ripped out of your chest.” the only heart that i broke was mine, when i got my hopes up too high. we were the kids who didn’t make it. we are the kids who never made it.”—
A while ago in my AP Chemistry class, this one annoying kid and my friend were having a weird argument about who was better. The annoying kid said, “Well, at least I have a girlfriend!” to which I responded, “Whatever. Your girlfriend has 67 protons.” In response, the entire class, including the teacher, turned their heads to look at the periodic table on the wall. The element with 67 protons is holmium, with the chemical symbol “Ho.” My teacher was the first to laugh.